Keep it anonymous.

Anonymous and I have a friend who happens to love puns; we call her Patricia Pun.

Patricia Pun on how to reheat chicken wings: “I’m just gonna wing it.”

Patricia Pun on what to do about a leftover wrap: “just wrap it!”

In case you couldn’t tell by the title of this post, Anonymous had quite a magical, fireworks-in-the-sky, foot-in-the-air, romantic-comedy first kiss….if, of course, you mean the type of kiss that more closely relates to an overenthusiastic golden retriever. Here’s the story, as related to me by my friend Anonymous:

The Scene: very romantic- a secluded wood, decorated by street art (commonly reffered to as graffiti)

The Players: Anonymous and Freddie Face-Licker

Anonymous and Freddie Face-Licker are on their romantic walk in the woods when they come upon her favorite spot and decide to stop to “talk”. Now, it is important to note that Anonymous and Freddie Face-Licker had the height difference that many of us girls strive for (you know what I mean…we choose guys who are bigger/taller than us to make us feel small and frail in that damsel-in-distress sort of way).

All of a sudden, Freddie Face-Licker pulls out…..(wait for it)….breath spray. Yes, breath spray…just like in every cheesy movie in the entire freaking world. Anonymous remembers his face growing closer, like a moving train, when she temporarily blacks out. (It seems odd, but if you continue to follow the stories on this blog, you’ll realize that it’s a strange habit of hers.) Anyways, back to the story at hand: when Anonymous “comes to”, she becomes aware that Freddie Face-Licker is living up to his name and, well, licking her face. Romantic, isn’t it?

The moral of the story is this: to any guy or girl ever kissing another guy or girl….if you’re kissing someone who isn’t kissing back, the answer is most definitely NOT to begin licking their face.

Otherwise known as, my college roommate. Yes, she has a name…but it’s none of your business. The events depicted in this blog are all completely true, but with name changes where necessary to “Keep it anonymous”. (Pun intended.)